I’m here today to address the very-popular belief system that people can have a healthy relationship with porn. Let’s have a look at why that’s not possible and why all the reasons that are thrown up for argument are just excuses to feed the addiction or fill a void.
I get contacted by men every week declaring they don’t have a porn addiction, or that they have a healthy relationship with pornography. That it doesn’t rule their life. That they have it under control.
They say “I’m not addicted or anything”...
...except 100% of the time it is an addiction. When I ask them how often their “healthy relationship”is with porn, they always say “ahh it’s only a few times a week”. Some even say “it’s only once a day”. They contact me for help with their erection issues and anxiety normally, and are still in denial as to why these things are occurring, And when I questions them about their porn habits, they tell me it’s not an addiction and that they’re losing erections because they’re not attracted to the women they’re sleeping with, or to their partner anymore. The lack of education and core sexual wounding out there really does blow my mind. Seeing this day in and day out leaves absolutely no doubt in my mind about any of it.
If you watch porn more than once a month, then you have a porn addiction. Yes, that’s correct. Once a month is considered watching it regularly. And if you can’t go without ANYTHING for a month, you have an addiction, whether it be porn, alcohol, gambling, drugs… you have an addiction. ESPECIALLY because these “once a month” guys are only masturbating once a month, and they can’t masturbate without it, they’ve been watching it more frequently in the past, and they’ve been doing that for 30-50 years.
People will argue:
💥 That it’s healthy to watch porn.
💥 That it’s educational.
💥 That it’s good for a relationship to watch it together.
💥 That it spices up a relationship.
💥 That ethical porn is ok.
💥 That it’s what men need, because they’re visual.
I call BULLSHIT on ALL of it. So let’s address all of these points one at a time…
If you’re turning to porn in your relationship then you’ve fallen off the sexual/intimacy wagon. Bringing an external influence into that scenario is not only irresponsible, but it could ruin your relationship. Communication is lacking in this instance and intimacy and sensuality needs addressing. Look at connecting to each other... intimacy exercises, communication, arousal, sex toys, massage, retreats.
Many couples RELY on porn to bring excitement into the bedroom, and they’re both addicted to the rush and thrill that it can bring. But it means the “everyday” doesn’t turn you on anymore as you’re constantly chasing that next thrill. It means you’re not seeking organic arousal through connection and understanding. In this scenario you are both addicted to porn.
Often men will bring porn into a relationship as a “fun idea to reignite the spark” and women often regret agreeing to that. Some women have even been traumatised by the experience. They can also see how excited you get, and it can be a turn off. It’ll give her a snapshot into what your habits are and how much you get off on it. When the object of desire is another woman and she can see you amped up on that, what do you think that does to a woman’s self worth? It’s not something you can un-see either and it’s a huge trigger for a lot of women.
Using it for sex education, is what is destroying our men. The “education” that men and boys have sought on porn has lead them down a path of sexual violence, unrealistic sexual experiences, and taught them that their bodies, and women’s bodies should be plastic and perfect. It causes MAJOR issues in life and sets you up for failure as a lover. The LAST place you should look for sex education or how to pleasure a woman is watching pornography. Young boys are suicidal and impotent before they leave high school, and they’ve never kissed a girl. Their sex education has ruined their brains, their penises and their moral compass.
And what about ethical porn? It’s still a visual aid, so the content is actually irrelevant when it comes to how porn addiction works. The brain still gets addicted to the neurotransmitters and hormones being produced in the body, even if the women on the screen aren’t being violated or degraded. It’s still an addiction.
Men are visual creatures right? But looking at a naked woman in front of you is very different to the neural addiction that drives men to view naked women and sexual scenes every day. That’s the addiction controlling your brain, giving you neural damage and setting you up for failure every single day. It’s a compulsion, because your brain needs a fix. It’s the same as a drug addiction. Do drug addicts need drugs? Yes. Because the “come down” is too painful and starving the body of the “high” feels very uncomfortable and in some cases, life threatening. It’s the same with porn.
The only healthy relationship you can have with porn is to NOT have it in your life AT ALL. And trust me when I say, the men who don’t watch porn are present, highly sexual, connected to women, and have no brain damage, no mental health issues from it, and their dicks work as they should.
Argue all you want, this is a no-brainer.
For more information on porn addiction and sexuality, you can purchase my book here: https://whatnoonetoldyou.gr8.com/
🚹 Catherine Lyell
MEN’S HEALTH & PORN ADDICTION SPECIALIST