Give yourself time.
Coming off a porn addiction is the same as coming off any addiction. It’s complicated and it’ll test you. For some it’s like coming off crack.
The damage that is done to the brain is the same as a drug addiction. It affects your frontal lobe...decision making, concentration and focus. The frontal lobe is the part of the brain that controls important cognitive skills in humans, such as emotional expression, problem solving, memory, language, judgment, and sexual behaviors. It is, in essence, the “control panel” of our personality and our ability to communicate.
It takes some time to rewire the brain and reverse the damage. You also have damage to your erectile function, sensitivity, sexual performance and mental health.
Give yourself time.
There’s a period of overwhelming exhaustion, no sexual energy, no energy in general. You have completely depleted your sexual energy, which is your lifeforce energy. The tank is empty. The vessel is unoccupied. You won’t feel like masturbating or having sex for a brief period. Your body is worn out from the regular "hit" of porn and the "crash"of ejaculation. You expel energy every time you ejaculate, as you lose fluids containing Chi.
Mental health issues, in particular anxiety, creep up and show themselves fully. You’ve been using porn and masturbation to self-medicate and soothe your stress, anxiety and depression since you were a teenager. What’s here now will be what you’ve been ignoring for years. Your Serotonin levels (happy hormone) are unbalanced from the constant porn usage, so you’ll be feeling pretty flat when you stop.
Erectile dysfunction is present and gets worse before it gets better. You’ll find without porn you won’t be able to get an erection when you masturbate.
Your brain will be hunting for it’s Dopamine hit and will try and seek out other ways of getting it. You will start to justify the addictive behaviours and slide into the mindset “it won’t hurt to watch it one more time...”
You’ll crave ejaculation and may feel agitated and frustrated when your dick doesn’t work and therefore orgasm is unachievable. It can be a very awkward time for you as you start to learn how to masturbate without porn. You'll be feeling inadequate and slightly doomed when you start to realise the damage that's been done.
The constant release of Oxytocin being connected to the porn in the past means you associate that "connection and love" with porn. You won’t be wanting to seek out connections with women. Your brain has conditioned itself that watching porn is more enjoyable and satisfying than sex or intimacy.
Give yourself time.
Your sensitivity will take some time to return. We have to reprogram your brain and body around sensual touch, arousal and reactivity. This can be very frustrating.
There will be a myriad of emotions running through you, as you try and find yourself in all of this. Frustration, inadequacy, shame, unworthiness, and a lot of fear. Fear that you won’t succeed. Fear that you’ll never break free. Fear that you’ll never see boobs and arse again. Fear that the damage is long term and you’ll never find your true sexual self and identity.
There will be loneliness. An overwhelming feeling that you're the only guy in the whole world that has something wrong with him. The only guy that can't kick this habit. The only guy that has no self esteem and can't get his shit together. And you'll start to realise what porn was replacing, what void it was filling...time alone, boredom, an escape from feeling lonely.
There's a loss of hope. Hope that one day you'll have strong erections, connections to women, an active and connected sex life, and the ability to drive yourself forward in life. Your self esteem will be in the toilet and the self-doubt may even keep you awake at night.
You won’t have any support around you because you haven’t told anyone about the addiction, and you’re carrying too much shame at this point to share that information. How could anyone possibly accept you as you are, in this devastated sexual mess? How could any of your mates understand how you're feeling or how this has affected your life, when they're constantly sending you porn and having a laugh about it? How would any partner understand without flying off the handle in an insecure and hurt rage? You can't tell family.
So many have tried to give it up, they’ve tried everything, yet they’ve fallen a victim to the addiction time and time again. There is a lot to learn about porn addiction, and all the information is readily available online. All the stats, all the research, all the compelling medical truths. Yet there's no one delivering this information to the men. Or the women for that matter. The kids are in dire straits as we head into a time where pornography usage has hit epidemic proportions.
Give yourself time.
You don’t need to go on this journey alone. Like any addiction, you need tools and support.
Book a FREE 30 min coaching call here with a Porn Addiction Expert today. My services are available globally.
Catherine Lyell
Men’s Health & Porn Addiction Specialist
www.integratedmenshealth.com.au